30 Things You Should Never Say in a Classroom

I am not sure if the following list is serious or not but  there is no way anyone would  with self respect would say them and certainly not twice. You will wince, you will chuckle but hopefully this is not a part of your practice. The following article comes from Teach Toolkit (You will notice a Brit wrote this. You will see when reading number one).

30 Things You Should Never Say in a Classroom by @TeacherToolkit

Posted by @TeacherToolkit ⋅ December 30, 2014⋅

You Should Never Say?

1. Right, you answer those questions whilst I just nip out for a fag.*
2. Shut it son!
3. Get out! Go straight to the headteachers office and wait outside …
4. This is my personal email address.*
5. During this term, I’m not going to mark any of your books.
6. If you do that again, you’ll be excluded …*
7. Okay. Hands up. Who doesn’t understand?
8. Don’t choose that subject at GCSE, it won’t help you (insert) …
9. Why didn’t you do your homework? It was easy.
10. If you need help, ask your mum to text me.*
11. What a stupid question!
12. You only need to learn this for the exam, then you can forget it.
13. I haven’t planned anything today and forgotten what I’m doing. Can you lot just get on with some colouring-in or just read a book …
14. My other class did this really well. What’s wrong with you today?
15. You have to be here, I don’t.
16. Who’s your teacher? (Reply) Well, that explains it. They’re not even a proper teacher …*
17. I’m so happy, I don’t have to see you lot for a whole two weeks!
18. Let’s watch a video.
19. I’ve seen this same idea for the past 6 years.
20. What do you mean, you don’t have a phone?
21. (Loud burp/fart) Were you born on a farm?
22. If I divide the time in the lesson by who is here, that gives me less than 2 minutes to speak with each of you. Okay?
23. Thank god I don’t live near this school!
24. ‘Hello mum? I’m teaching. I can’t speak right now.’
25. I’m off to Thailand for half-term. What are you lot up to?
26. I’m not even going to look at your work. Do it again!
27. Stand in the corner and put your hands on your head.*
28. God. I was hammered at the weekend!*
29. So you all have more time to prepare, I’ve just decided to postpone the test …
30. Aha! So, your (name) brother/sister. That explains it all.

Of course, much of the above is written in jest and may be acceptable within the context of your classroom conversations and teacher-student relationships. However, there are some fairly serious points above which should be avoided at all costs. I have highlighted these with a small red asterisk at the end of each sentence. (These are all safeguarding and/or health and safety issues).
Whether this raised a smile or a frown, I hope you found it useful.
If there is anything missing, why not tweet your thoughts by clicking here, or add your sentence to my comments feed below.